...I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love. -Marilyn Monroe

this is stupid. i'm stupid. i have this amazing fantastic perfect boyfriend who i will marry in a few years, and all i can do is be the selfish bitch girlfriend who doesn't want him to spend time with anyone else besides me.
he's just going to go watch a movie with his best friend and won't be back til like 12:30. and i'm working anyway, it's not like we could go out instead or even go with his best friend because i'm stuck watching this old lady. but it's not really the fact that he's going to go watch a chick flick with another girl that bugs me. it's the fact that as long as we've been dating he's had this super strict curfew. seriously, getting to hang out with him until 11 is a miracle. his mom has these ridiculous rules even though he's 18 and graduated and i can't do a damn thing about it. and we're almost out of time, you know? the fairy tale is about to come to a screeching halt in about 5 days. school starts and then nothing will be the same. he'll be too busy for me or i'll be the same and we won't have this kind of time anymore. the entire summer my mom has been telling me to go ahead and enjoy it while it lasts but i won't be able to anymore. i've felt this whole time like his mom doesn't trust me or support us being together and i feel like tonight just confirmed it. if kris wanted to take me to a movie at 10 at night there's no way his mom would ever be ok with it but he's allowed, no, encouraged to stay out with her until 12:30 or later? how am i supposed to feel? i'm not even worried about who it's with, not at all really. i know they're just friends, but it hurts that they can spend this kind of time with eachother and i can't. it's like he never even wants to. anytime we go somewhere he's always in this huge rush to get me home even when my mom says we can stay out late. and his mom wants to know where he is 24/7. and we can't stay out late once school starts so it's something he can do with someone else but not me.
and i know i'm being stupid and selfish and unfair but that doesn't help this feeling go away. i thought i was done being jealous but i think it's just that i'm scared of running out of time. i love him so much and i'm tired of opportunities being taken away from us.
i wish i could be better for him.